One Final Missive

June 16, 2010 § Leave a comment

Dear Roger,

Thank you for inviting me to submit a proposal for the Australia-Korea artist exchange, which will take place at Moonle Art Factory in December 2010. I have a strong, existing connection with Korea and I have a passion for finding more opportunities for emerging Australian and Korean artists to meet and collaborate.

Oh fuck it.

Remember the time I auditioned for you and you told me I was too fat for the stage?

Remember the time you called me into your office and told me not to shave for 6 weeks?

Remember the time when you hung up on me because I hadn’t shown the correct amount of enthusaiasm when I answered the phone?

Remember how I would know you were in town because I would come home to find my door completely covered in food delivery fliers?

Remember the awkward time you let yourself into my apartment on the night my lover arrived after we had been apart for 6 months?

Remember all those times the police would tell us to get off the roof and to stop making so much noise?

Remember how you never made a big fuss about saying goodbye, you’d either sneak away or tell me to piss off.

I think you had the right idea.

I know you would tell me to stop being a mincing faggot, but I will miss you. But not because you won’t be here. Because I have gone months, years without seeing you. And not because you won’t respond to my emails. Because it takes you months, years to do that anyway. And not just because you have suddenly made all of my jobs so much harder.

But because you were my mentor, my friend and my brother. I am grateful that you have shown be how to be all of these things for others. You never opened doors. You just told me where to find them. You gave me rules, set me tasks, and then told me to fuck it all and just do whatever the hell I wanted. And I have. And I will.

You taught me to just love, no matter what the circumstances.

You are the reason that I do what I do. I know the people I know. I have what I have. I’ve been where I’ve been.

And you encouraged me even if you hated what I was doing. You gave me a chance and let me dance for you and told me it was one of the greatest things you have ever seen.

You told me your greatest fears, and darkest insecurities without demanding anything back, and then listened patiently and without judgement when I was ready to do the same.

Our little rooftop was one of your favourite places in the world. And I’m sad that I couldn’t share it with you one last time.

Peace Brother

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