Archives for posts with tag: honesty

For the purpose of this story, I will use the personal pronouns that I grew up with and will pray that they cause no harm.

I had a beautiful catchup today with one of my favorite little queers.

She mentioned that upon finding herself amongst new acquaintances this week, she couldn’t help feeling ‘house-proud’. This consisted mainly of her talking quite a bit about her two boyfriends with which she shares a completely consensual, open, non-hierarchical polyamorous relationship. And the fact that she was sad that one of her boyfriends is pining for her German lover, and that this made my friend equally sad. In the ‘I am sad because I want you to be happy, how can we get you to Germany’ kind of way.

I like the term house-proud. I think it most adequately describes the way I feel about my life at the moment. My friend reminded me that I don’t have to feel defensive or guilty or censor the way I talk about the people I love.

Just love, and be honest about it.

In a similar vein, there have been a couple of performances around lately that have, in slightly different ways, asked participants to write down their secrets. Their deepest darkest secrets that they have never told anyone.

Nathan reflected that he couldn’t participate in this task, and that even though he wanted to for the sake of the performance, that being truthful was probably his best response. Writing nothing.

I thought about it for a moment and realised that I would have to make the same decision. After a few moments more I also realised that if the question was ‘write down something you have never told Nathan’, my response would be the same.

A moment of silence.

The thing is.

I am very much in love.

I also have an iPhone which at first glance, would not seem to be all that relevant until you consider the fact that I am writing this post on said iPhone (name of 친구) from a couch belonging to a boy I/we met in Adelaide on which I have been sleeping for a week. Before then I was, amongst other locations, bunking on the floor of his Music Room. For he is a boy of considerable talent.

I am in love with my life. The people in it. The food I eat and the beverages I drink and the inevitable conversations about art, life, language politics, sex and gender.

And the people.

I have much love to share, and I intend on sharing it.

I am happy to exist in this limbo, pregnant, in-between potential, place.

And move on when I need.

What started as a reply to an old friend who asked me what had changed in me since I was a boy, escalated into an essay. If you are interested in the way I see the world right now, then by all means read on, but don’t feel obliged.

If anything it will be an interesting artifact for me to come back to in a couple of years when I am panicking about the onset of middle age (rather than stepping into my late-mid-twenties). Of course, I can’t take credit for thinking any of this. It is a pretty comprehensive mix of everything that I have come into contact with (ever?) and I owe a lot to the people I hold most dear who endure endless hours of conversation on topics such as love, compersion and butoh. Read the rest of this entry »

There is something bigger than you.

There are concepts too big to understand, events that cannot be comprehended, endless cycles of existence that have yet to be realised. Some people live their entire lives trying to figure out what it all means, others start the journey and find something resembling an answer, still others give up out of sheer desperation. Some people believe that nothing exists that is larger than them. They often die alone and sad.

The cloud of infinite existence that is ever at the edge of human consciousness is known by many names, and our understanding of it is ever evolving. In our attempt to focus on it and discover its form, we have constructed and come to rely on processes of framing that attempt to reconcile the infinite nature of the universe within the limitations of the human mind.

The result of these processes is often religion. Or a political movement based on a certain ideological framework. There are those who find solace in places unseen – heaven, hell, nirvana, or even a far off planet in a far off galaxy, which will someday harbour the worthy and faithful descendants of our own mother earth. It may take the form of a fictional universe embodied in print, or film, or on the stage. But however they are presented, these constructs will invariably focus on a divine singularity, a vast infinity, or a human personality. The fact that we as a race have so many different concepts of god is a good example of this. But god is merely an avatar, a human interface for something that is not at all human.

In devising these constructs, man often elevates himself to a central position in the universe around him. Whether it is religion, philosophy or political ideology, the problems start to arise when people cease to remember that these constructs shouldn’t be our sole reason for existence, but merely a tool for understanding the universe and a method of sharing this understanding with others.

Now imagine, if you will, that this central, driving existence does have a label, a name that we as humans can use to signify its existence. Because it is very hard for the human mind to hold onto the concept of an infinite universe, let us therefore call it the muda. Not because this name has any hidden mystical meaning, but simply because it is easy to say, easy to spell, and will not be easily confused with existing concepts of the infinite (which all in turn point to various aspects of the essential force that we are trying to understand here).

We have all-too-often made ourselves the mediators and interpreters of the various aspects of the muda, and in doing so, have forgotten to focus on what we can do to realise an existential experience of the muda in our lives and in the lives of those around us. To constantly remind oneself of this is to come closer to realising the muda and is at the core of an ideal mudist lifestyle.

Just as there is not one human experience, there is not one way to realise the muda. The human experience is chaos. Our existence is all that we have, and we must try to understand the muda on our own terms and with our own frames of reference. However, we must always strive to help others to realise the muda, as this is the most effective way for it to become a reality in our own lives. Learn by teaching, and teach by learning.

It could be said that there are three orders of being.

The first is ignorance. In this order, people go about their lives ignorant of the world around them, walking blind, and bumping into things and each other. They are either not aware of the muda, or still searching for answers. They may know of one aspect of the muda, but are not aware of the validity of others. They will not know of the all-encompassing nature of the muda and will most likely not have the ability to yet understand the need for reconciliation and acceptance. Not always is this ignorance passive, it may come from a place of pain, or hate, or misunderstanding. People occupying the first order seldom walk in love towards one another, and if they do it is an unconscious decision, or it is to serve their own devices.

The second order is awareness. In this order, people are generally aware of the failings of the first order, and are prepared to search for answers. Or they have answers presented to them. Either way, they are generally aware of the existence of the muda, and are prepared to undertake a journey to discover more.

The third order is one of active participation. People who operate in this mode of existence are prepared to walk in love and honesty and actively participate in the realisation of the muda in themselves and in others. Often, individuals fulfil this third order without knowing it – it is these special people who strive to make the world a better place. It is not terribly difficult to attain this third order ideal, but in most instances, it will require the individual to modify their behaviour in order to consistently apply the maxims of the walk in their lives as well as being prepared to help others to live a fulfilled and happy life.

One way that a person could live a fulfilled life within the third order would be to ascribe to what can be called the walk of love. This walk is simple to state, but difficult to achieve, as it asks the participant to no longer serve only oneself, but to be constantly thinking about the ways in which their life affects others.
There are three simple maxims that outline the walk of love:

  • I will strive to love myself unconditionally
  • I will strive to love others unconditionally
  • In all things, I will strive for honesty

If we are to live a life of peace and harmony, we need to make sure that we do not do anything to prevent others from walking in love. This is of utmost importance. Any behaviour that contradicts the walk is counterproductive, and unnecessary. However, nobody is perfect. Nor should one be expected to strive for perfection. All that is necessary is an attitude of unconditional love and honesty. Everything else will follow.

To strive for the third order of being is all that it needed to actualise a fulfilled and virtuous life on this earth.

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